Here's something a friend of mine found when he was pondering the issue of scrupulosity recently.
Cardinal O'Connor describes scrupulosity quite well. I'm not sure he offers any detailed answers, but identifying the problem is certainly half the battle.
"Fear of God" is an excellent way to define scrupulosity. I'd add that it's taking blame for things we ought not take the blame for (or things we are less to blame for than we think).
The Lord's been illuminating a few areas in which I've been scrupulous without even realizing it. I've not had an issue (at least not recently) with scrupulosity, in the sense that it hampered my life, and if you had asked me before if I might be scrupulous, I might point to one potential area of my life, but other than that it wasn't on the radar screen.
One incident happened just yesterday. I had gone to a friend's church and got lost coming home. I approached a crosswalk as a pedestrian was trying to cross, and I didn't think to stop until I didn't have time to stop. No one was even close to being hurt, but technically I violated the law. I started to get worried and anxious, but the Lord told me that I had not sinned. (I suspect it was just unavoidable given the circumstances.) But it was relaxing to know I had done nothing wrong.
One area in which I grew up being conditioned to be anxious is in forgetting things. My dad would fault me for forgetting stuff, he'd say "you forget because you want to forget!". This was patently ridiculous, and I thought so even then; how can one deliberately forget? I couldn't forget something if I tried. But still, the imposing authority of my father generated a deep anxiety about it that I'm only now recovering from.
Bottom line is, if you forget something (unless you had an opportunity to remind yourself and willfully refused that opportunity), that is not a sin. In fact, it very well may have been God's will -- I find now that God speaks to me through my forgetfulness, that when I forget something, it means I don't need it or shouldn't do with it what I originally planned.
We are not supposed to be perfect, in the sense of never forgetting, never making a false move, never saying anything to upset people, never losing anything, etc. God works through imperfection. He allows us to be imperfect for a reason. And we need to accept that instead of worrying about it. Even if people get upset with us, it's very possible God is using us to perfect them (I suspect this was true of my father).
I am convinced that the only time we can sin is when we have a moral choice to make and we deliberately make the wrong choice. If there is no choice, there is no sin. If you forgot, there was no choice. If you lost something, there was no choice. If you blurted out the wrong thing without thinking, there was no choice. No choice, no sin. That's how I look at it.
Hey,
I read through the article and i think you echo my sentiments.May be because I have gone through the same thing. Looking forward to read more of your articles.
Thank You