THE WORLD IS COMING TO AN END!
Because of The Usual Suspects, the people you know and hate.
Listen to this heart-wrenching story that will make you cry, manipulate your emotions, and defeat any remaining sense of reason ...
Give us money and we will defeat the vile, bloodthirsty scum of the earth. We are the only ones who can.
DO IT NOW OR ALL HELL WILL BREAK LOOSE!
Meanwhile enjoy this unsolicited useless trinket, paid for by your donation dollars, and carry out this pointless exercise with stickers so you can feel good about yourself. (If you do not properly place the sticker that says "YES! I want to oppose evil and work for Truth, Justice, and the American Way" we will be unable to process your donation.)
(In faux handwritten script) P.S. Give us money now or the world will come to an end.
(Contributions not tax deductible.)
[Sorry, I'm feeling cynical.]
