I was at a bible study the other day when an interesting point came up. We were talking about holiness, in particular our own perception of our holiness. I've been grousing recently that I've seen little progress in holiness in my own life; I feel so unholy. The point that was brought up was that the holier we get, the more sensitive we get to defects in holiness. In other words, the more holy we are, the more unholiness we will perceive. Things that we used to do with impunity pierce our consciences. Me, I'm always reproaching myself for being impatient. Even when I'm aware that I am and should not be impatient, I continue being impatient (chiefly while driving). Maybe I should focus on the fact that I correctly perceive impatience as a problem instead of justifying it and feeding it.
Another thing we discussed is that Satan intensifies his attacks against God's holy ones. One problem I struggle with is that I judge my holiness on the basis of my temptations. This is wrong; having a temptation, even an ugly one, does not mean you are less holy; if anything, it is the more holy who are more "worthy" of temptation.
I did have a consolation today that affirmed that I have made substantial progress and should not be discouraged. Not that there isn't a way to go, perhaps a long way, but I have encouragement now.
