Top Ten Excuses Given By the Guards At the Empty Tomb
10. "I thought he was the pizza delivery guy leaving. No wondered he smiled when I tried to give him a tip!"
9. "I was putting another denarius in the chariot meter!"
8. "With the earth shakin' and all the bright lights, we figgered we was abducted by aliens!"
7. "Since the tomb was already empty when the stone was rolled away, I'm afraid you're speaking to the wrong department. Let me give you a BR#245-A-Res form and direct you to Burial Services."
6. "As we've already stated several times before, according to the legal definition of "escape", we emphatically deny any wrongdoing in this matter!"
5. "We was HYPNO-TIZED! Centurion Bobicus is still clucking like a chicken!"
4. "You told us to secure the tomb as best as we know how (Mat. 27:65). We did! May I suggest an assessment of our current training program?
3. "All I know is, this better not mess up my early retirement package!
2. "Hey! What'd you expect? Did you tell us we were guarding the Son of God?--NOOOOOOOOO!"
And the number one excuse given by the guards at the empty tomb is:
1. "What's the big deal? He said He'd be back!"
Liturgy and Feasts: March 2005 Archives
Christ is Risen, Alleluia!
This is a bit tardy but I wanted to share the Exsultet of the Paschal Vigil which is such a beautiful prayer:
Rejoice, heavenly powers! Sing, choirs of angels!
Exult, all creation around God's throne!
Jesus Christ, our King, is risen!
Sound the trumpet of salvation!
Rejoice, O earth, in shining splendor,
radiant in the brightness of your King!
Christ has conquered! Glory fills you!
Darkness vanishes for ever!
Rejoice, O Mother Church! Exult in glory!
The risen Savior shines upon you!
Let this place resound with joy,
echoing the mighty song of all God's people!
It is truly right that with full heards and minds and voices
we should praise the unseen God, the all-powerful Father,
and his only Son, our Lord Jesus Christ.
For Christ has ransomed us with his blood,
and paid for us the price of Adam's sin
to our eternal Father!
This is our passover feast,
when Christ, the true Lamb, is slain,
whose blood consecrates the homes of all believers.
This is the night when first you saved our fathers:
you freed the people of Israel from their slavery
and led them dry-shod through the sea.
This is the night when the pillar of fire
destroyed the darkness of sin!
This is the night when Jesus Christ
broke the chains of death
and rose triumphant form the grave.
What good would life have been to us,
had Christ not come as our Redeemer?
